Sunday, February 12, 2006

Breathe, just breathe

I don't know what it is about songs with the word Breathe in them that make so much sense to me. I love them. There's the one by Faith Hill and the newer one Breathe ( 2 am ) by Anna Nalick. This evening, I heard the one by Anna malice as I watched Grey's Anatomy. I admit that up until last week, I really hadn't watched this show. Now, before you throw rotten tomatoes at me, the man of the house usually has the remote and I'm busy doing my other job. The previews intrigued me so much for the "Code Black" episode that I had to tune in. Can you say hooked? Can you say love at first sight? Can you say I just pre-ordered the DVD coming out on Valentine's Day of their very first season? Wow. I won't post any spoilers, but I have been looking for a show like this. I miss FRIENDS every damned Thursday. Okay, so they aren't that much alike, but they kinda are for me. Anyhow, I was feeling sorry for myself the last couple of days. Why? Because the story that I love, the one that should've been a semi-easy fix...wasn't. This story is very near and dear to my heart because it got my creative juices flowing. It gave me hope at one time. But...I did the unthinkable. I let other people into this story. What do I mean? Does the phrase too many cooks spoil the broth mean anything to you? There was a time when I was very insecure about my writing and I needed praise and tons of feedback. Why? I wanted to make sure that I was doing it right. Okay, so there might not be a law against that or any type of set rule that says don't show others your work. Don't ask for that critique. Don't ask for help. But I took it to a whole new level. By the way, I am still extremely insecure about my writing. That hasn't changed with the sale of two books. And to be honest, I'm not sure it will ever change. The level I took was this and let me just say that it was wrong. Anything and I mean anything that someone told me to change--if they'd recently gotten a request--I did it. I changed lines, I changed expressions, I changed dialogue and settings. If they had a better way of saying something and suggested that I used it--I did it. If I questioned something, you know what I told myself? I told myself that they were the ones getting the requests so they had to know what the hell they were talking about, and I did what they wanted me too. Where did this lead me? It lead me to this conversation with an editor on the phone. "Rae, I was reading your story and things were flowing and making complete sense and then all of the sudden...honestly, I asked myself where in the hell that came from. Your voice changes in this story like none I've ever seen." I had a lightbulb moment. Too damned bad it had to happen while an editor was on the phone with me. I was mortified. I was pissed. I was stoic. And I was graceful when I explained to Miss Editor why. Okay, so perhaps graceful isn't the word I'm looking for. But I didn't freak out or sound like I was freaking out even though that's exactly what I was doing on the inside. Professional is the word I was looking for as I type this. And that segue's me into something cool. Desire Author Heidi Betts is starting a Q & A in the morning on It's called: The Care and Feeding of Editors. I leave you with the first few lines of Anna Nalick's song as I listen to her and start rewriting this story my way. I finally know what I need to do to make this the best story I know how. My characters are pleased and as long as they're happy the words flow freely. Night and day. This is a good song for my hero and heroine. 2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake, Can you help me unravel my latest mistake, I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes Like they have any right at all to criticize, Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason' Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button girl, So cradle your head in your hands And breathe, just breathe, Woah breathe, just breathe


Blogger JoJo said...

Well I'm glad you aren't feeling as buried about this as you were the other night when I was up there. Everything will fall into place, it has already started!

Love ya Rae, I know you'll get it done--I have all the faith in the world in you!

2/13/2006 05:33:00 AM  

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